I was confronted with sadness. It's again the ghost of the past and the fear of the future that is haunting me. I fought the urge of entertaining the sadness that slowly cripples me, but the forces were irresistible  It brings back old wounds that weakens my entire system. The open wound thirst to be treated, but no one has the courage to even dare look at it. It's a quagmire which depth can't be measured, a really scary place to. My persistent and tired heart is pumping to fight back, to regain its life, but it's not an easy task. 

As strong as I ought to be, I still feel weak inside. My heavy heart is overloaded with all the frustrations, shattered dreams and lost hope that were all hammered to my broken heart. It aims for a double kill. My core has a lot of baggage making it harder to revive. 

I maybe walking and laughing and living but I am empty inside. I think I have created a monster that is eating me up. I am a monster. I am the monster whom I cannot defeat. The monster hungry with a lot of things. A monster deprived of happiness. A monster who asked for more. A monster without contentment. I don't know how to fight it, if fighting it would also means killing me. 

Sometimes I have wished I was not me, but I have nothing but myself. If I lost it, I will lose everything, leaving with no trace that I can identify with. I need a resurrection. 

...and I armed myself of all the remaining strength to conquer the monster inside me.