I am excited for my upcoming solo trip, yey! Pero the obstacle, I think still need to write five (5) more pleadings and one (1) effin paper that has been bugging me since last year. I really hate doing it, and it took a large space of my emotional stability, kumbaga I have resentment over it, but since we have already committed edi gawin na lang. I really hope to finish it soon because it becomes a dementor that sucks all the happiness and small wins I have with me. I can't wait to bike the streets of Hakata, Fukuoka, or walk in the bays of Busan and meet friends in Seoul. Oh well papel, gawin na natin yan. 

 My gaaaahd. I have been putting off this task for I can't remember when. I even bought a large cabinet last January to organize all my clothes, but guess what? I keep on buying instead of decluttering. Ironically, I have been a fan of 'the minimalist' podcast lately. As part of the process, they mentioned that it only becomes a 'clutter' if it gets in your way. Pondering on it, yes indeed, my books, clothes are in excess already and it clutters the little space I have in my room. I just want to be organized for effin sake. It's stressing me out, but whenever I'm home, I just lay in my bed like a vegetable like srsly and binging into series which I can't even remember now (mostly kdramas, jdramas and cdramas). I just want to fuckin Eminem my closet HAHAHAHA. Corny. 

Whut?! 2023 na pala? Feeling ko pa din na-robbed ako ng pandemic time, hindi ko marecall mga ganap ko the past three (3) years. SHET like 3 years ago na ang 2020 would you believe? So ano ang 2022 highlight? Well yung 15 days na vacay ko sa Korea. Feel ko nakatakas ako sa stress ng Pilipinas. Nagtrabaho pa din, pero at least malamig. Nakakalamig talaga ng ulo ang magandang weather at magandang fashyown at environment. 

On a serious note, dami din ganap ng 2022. Nagkasakit ako ng January, nagkaron ng chance mag-isip on career ng February, rumaket ng March, na-emergency nung April. Bumoto at nakasama sa pagbilang ng boto ng May, nung June naman bigla nawalan ng raket. July was meeting college friends and booked my ultimate travel for the year, August was my birthday month and colored my hair blue. Pero, nung August din ako may renewal in life, muntik na akong mag-cause ng accident sa NLEX. September? Yey! Tita na me. October - werk werk werk like naramdaman ko na pagod dito dahil almost everyday hearing na twice a day. Hinihila ko na lang ang time for my vacay, first office outing/party dahil ilang beses na napostponed. Thank you bosses early bonus din. November! Yey! struggle sa first half (ganun talaga pag nagbabakasyon tayo eh iistressin muna). Kpop-themed and chill vacay, feel ko talaga dasuurved ko to. To be fair, masaya magbakasyon ng mahaba, kahit working. Eto din yung vacay na di ko iniisip expenses ko, like di ako nagbibilang magkano magagastos (except nung nakita ko na card bill ko ng December HAHAHA) whatever, we worked so we can spend.. A LOT. CHAROT! December ayun extension nung vacay, pero sunod sunod na mga ganap with the Christmas Season, medyo sad because I lost a college friend. A reminder that life is short and to cherish every moment. Tapos ayun, ngayong January wala ako energy. HAHAHAHA. 

Oh well, cheers to 2023. Lez just do it - wala naman tayo choice. Chaaaar. 

I thought October will provide a little light but as how it is I'm really really drained in all aspects - physically, mentally and emotionally. Umabot na ako sa point na end of thinking capacity but still needed to think because madami pa din isusulat. Like wtf. Di na tayo naubusan ng 'ngarag' ghorl. But I know ranting won't help either, since finishing all taks is still the solution. Hindi lang tayo pa makabangon, kainis lang din mga unexpected stress na wala naman dapat if namamanage lang din ng ibang tao sarili nila. Like kaloka kayo I'm not the ultimate troubleshooter. Just praying for more energy. I don't want to spoil my vacation at the end of the year. I don't want to look very tired sa mga photos. I want to have that kind of positive energy as in energy radiantly shining like a pocketful of sunshine. 

Ok, so retrograde officially ended last Sunday and I don't have anything or anyone to blame for my mood anymore. I guess it's aging, and the fact that I have irregular sleep last week due to pleadings I needed to finish and early morning hearings. My aging body can't take it anymore and I was just sleepy during weekend spilling to this week. But guess what? I have 9 hours of sleep for two (2) consecutive days!!! and still I felt tired AF. I guess consistency still beats this one time big time sleep. I've had usually 6-7 hours sleep daily but it was down to 4 hours last week and I guess sleep really matters when it comes to handling your mood and mental health. My goal for this week is to return to my sleep routine to manage my emotion and anxiety. I don't want to rely on melatonin regularly but sometimes I know I needed sleep so thanks to these gummy fairies. Haaay. Anyway, praying for a better last quarter of 2022.