Scattered

10:43 AM

It's been awhile since my last entry here and it kind of frustrates me. I feel that the monsters have won silencing me over the years. Most days, I'm trying to live a normal life, but there are also a lot of days when I am escaping, binge watching, staring at the ceiling and doing nothing, notwithstanding the pile of work I need to accomplish. I feel like I'm being followed by 'dementors' sucking up every emotions I have. I am grateful for everything, for the blessings, for the life, but it frustrates me that I can't squeeze its fruits. I'm supposed to feel something here right? But what remains were feelings of guilt (for feeling ungrateful), sadness, and lacking something. I always believe in a purpose driven life, but what if that purpose can no longer be seen? I am lethargic and unmotivated, I feel like I'm doing things, just because, I don't know why. I've lost the ability to see the big picture. I can't even imagine myself in a picture. For now, I feel like a shadow and that I am already losing it. I just want to finish all the tasks and I'm done. But I must remain hopeful, I owe it all to our Creator. I just hope to figure this all out.


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