Ok, so after midterm exam, I just felt suddenly tired and needed to take time for myself. The plans we previously made for this weekend were no longer inviting. Plus, the advance Civil Review got cancelled. I have this strong urge of calling my friends to spend weekend with them like the old times, like maybe singing our hearts out in videoke, but I guess I have that "topak" and I know it was not a good idea to talk to them because I might be the "annoying orange" that sometimes I really am.

So when all else fail, I get to have time for myself by reading. I know kinda geeky but for some reason after my civil review exam and while on my way home, I opened my phone and search for something to read. I choose one a YA fiction, that is not too long to bore me. So I chose something new not the one I was previously reading and got stuck for some reason (maybe not yet their time to be read). I got the "Anatomy of the Misfit" by Andrea Portes.

The story is about the girl with a weird name of "Anika Dragomir" who is an immigrant (half-romanian) but was not bullied because she is friends with the most popular girl in school (like the mean girls). But as the story unfolds, she knows she's different because she has this urged of saving people, especially the bullied ones. She has this secret relationship with "Logan" who is not so popular, but she was not able to shout out because of the fear that she might also be subject of this indiscriminate judging and bullying. 

So much for the synopsis but what I get is YAs now are surely has depth and "existentialist". But, I guess that is what coming of age books are all about, it is all about searching, finding your identity and making a mark. 

Oops! Sorry spoiler alert, can't help but to post here my favorite quote of the book. 

I got to finish this by around 9am Saturday morning, and it was like the weekend was just starting. Hah! Just a little frustrated on what to do for the remaining 36 hours before Monday strikes again. Ok, so I went out of the house and did some chores, get my hair cut and be bored again. So, I opened my virtual library, and browsed for something to read. Thanks to my friend who fed me with these YA book selections. So I chose, "All the Bright Places" by Jennifer Niven 

Ok, so do I need to get my tissue here? Nah! Just kidding! I did not cry but the story is very funny, emotional and 'relatable' book for me. For others who can't understand my behavior I guess this is a good read. But not the extreme, maybe my "mood swings" that I can't help but feel that for others seems annoying. 

The story is about Theodore Finch and Violet Markey who met in the Bell Tower, both thinking of committing suicide which turns out to be the start of a weird and unique relationship. This is a story for those who don't understand why some people are weird or acting weird. It is with the hope that after reading this people will be more understandable for these kind of people. This is a story about enjoying life and being thankful for our existence. The book will guide us how to be 'present' and to understand people beyond their facade.  It is about extending a hand, that most people take for granted, especially if they saw that someone is happy. IT.IS.SOMEHOW.MY.STORY. 

After reading this, I felt that, someone really understand my unexpressed emotions. That 'Awake' and 'Asleep' moments. That moment when you just want people to understand you, but no matter how you explained to them they just don't get it, and you'll just end up feeling frustrated, and you know that somehow they can't help you. BUT. I. MUST. SAY. You can help them, just by asking "how are you" meaningfully. Also, by going that extra mile of really knowing them. We all leave clues, clues that we hope, someone will really get and follow. But I guess we shouldn't expect too much because I know, we are also hard to read.  To be honest, I had these "recurring" feelings too that since I am ok at the outside, people are always assuming that I am OK. But the truth is, sometimes I am not. And it was during these times that I am hoping that people will know, and that somehow they will make an effort to ask "how am I really doing." (Ooops, too much for the drama don't mind it!)