It has been awhile since I was able to gather my thoughts and pull myself together to write here. I'm being eaten by my "internal struggles" and the "monster". These past months have been unkind to me. I was enveloped by darkness, it keeps on pulling me down whenever I feel like recovering. I don't understand, I feel okay, but really I'm not. It felt as if I have given up, and succumbed to the void feeling that has been nagging me for years. I thought I have escaped from it, but this time it is different - it attacks the very core of me. I feel  helpless most of the time. The old cures were ineffective - books, movies, - and sometimes even meeting friends get me frustrated as I can't really explained what I am going through to them. I don't want to be a burden but sometimes I feel like I am. I don't know, maybe I just really need that 'sanity break'. Probably I got tired from the fast paced life, or I pushed myself too hard. Hopefully I'll come around soon. It's just so ironic that I named this blog pocketful of sunshine when I have darkness inside, oh well. I am an oxymoron, hopefully this darkness is just an eclipse and will soon pass.