While browsing IMDb.com I came across the film Garden State. It's a 2004 film starred by Natalie Portman and Zach Braff. It's rated 7.6 stars so I downloaded it in a "file-sharing site" which according to my professor in Intellectual Property law is "legal" or is clothed to be "legal". LOL. Whatever means I used in getting a copy of this film is not important what matters is I got a copy in dvdrip. The movie is well..not about the vegetables nor plants! Sorry for trying to be humorous. (insert rolling eyes)  

The film follows Andrew Largeman who went home after 13 years (Oh wait 9 years? Whatever!) to attend the funeral of her mother whom he have not seen since he left home. He is in garden state, well actually garden state was not defined but I guess it's about a state of being caught in the middle of something searching for something like a home or something you can connect to, but actually there is none and it was like a state of being numb without feelings without anything. Whew! That was really wordful for a definition! Anyway, so going back to Largeman, he was in a garden state, he can't feel anything, he can't even cry for God sake! He was like a living dead. Then came Sam (portrayed by Natalie Portman) whom he met in a hospital while he was waiting for his appointment with a neurologist recommended by his father. Sam played mysterious, but it was later on the bluff was discovered, she told him that she is liar and its just a facade to cover up her own wound. She is epileptic.

Anyway, what I liked about the film is the story line itself mirroring the reality and discovering that living is really quite painful sometimes. Like what normal people are feeling about life, whether they acknowledge it or deny it. We are all in search of that infinite abyss. The idea of discovering something, of making a mark, and proving ourselves that somehow causes unhappiness to some people. But at the end of the day, it really does not matter, because it is all EGO. I am personally guilty of this, because we all felt that we are ought to leave make a mark in this world and somewhere, somehow we are like in search of something we do not know that frustrates us, for what?.. nothing! So it is helpful to know that while we are all searching for infinite abyss, we should still get hold of the things that are important. Things that are already within our reach like family, friends..., we should not succumb to the darkness of infinite abyss or else we will also be in garden state with nothing to hold unto,connected to none. Now, it make sense to me the dialogue of Largeman about having lost connection and not finding home because he lose the string going back home, searching for something in the infinite abyss. It's a reminder that while we are pursuing things we thought that are important, we should not forget to tend to our 'home' where we are connected, it's a piece of string that we should not let go no matter what or we will lose everything. 

Ok, so since I was really infected by this film, let me share some viral lines from the movie. 

From Albert: 

From Andrew Largeman: 

You'll see when you move out. It just sort of happens one day, one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I don't know maybe it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start. It's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place.

Photo credit: http://www.buzzfeed.com/louispeitzman/garden-state-quotes-that-seemed-more-profound-in-high-school

Something stirs inside me, an unexplained feeling, is it sadness? Anxiety? Emptiness? It's not yet ripe for sorting and I am letting myself feel it. I believe ito's important to allow myself to freeze in a while when everything seems unclear.

The wandering

The urgent feeling to escape is blurring my logical reasoning. The closer I look within myself, the more feeling of retaliation I get. It's as if I am resisting my own existence, my whole being. Being lost is common to me but being lost with a feeling of defeat is a new sensation I hope not to feel. The sudden lost of direction, the purpose, the corrupt society, the feeling of hopelessness to the situation in my outside world is really affecting my existence. I am trying to shake it off and go on, but I can't stand seeing injustice being done, the unfairness and the bitter reality slapping me. I become a bitter machine, a barrel full of poisonous substance. The more I engage, the more I become dangerous inside, ready to snap, ready to go for a kill. 

Why? It's always why for me, why others turn a blind eye, is it the way this society should be lived of just to survive? The more bigger question for me is why am I being affected with all the things that's happening. Why? because lives are wasted, lives are at stake, and others are fine with this. Worst, while everybody is shouting that they really care, I am not feeling it, because for me, this world is becoming a superficial world full of dolls. They only look at themselves and not for the other people, its always a fake concerned and a fake smiles, a fake statements and a fake love. Nobody really cares! I developed a feeling of mistrust to all the good things because of the reality that is continuously and disturbingly slapping me. Is this really the society I lived in? At the end of the day, I am coming into conclusion that this world is really lived to be about I? It's the I-Society with phony compassion and wicked intentions. Agh! Enough of this wandering for now, I am afraid that if I see things clearer, I will not be able to swallow it and be choked to death and be doomed forever. 

New year and new hope!!! A new book of life is about to unfold this year with 2013 already smiling at us. We already bid goodbye to the dancing dragon and this year it's gonna be the changing snake who will ride to colorful journey of life. But before the book of the dancing dragon closed, I just want to look back to the previous year that really taught me a lot of lessons in life. It's full of opportunity, success, a little bit of misery but meaningful in general. I felt that the dragon year had really tested my courage and my spirit to the fullest. Well as they say its all's well that ends well.  

My first out of the country experience

This was really unexpected and I can't believe that the first will be my dream country KOREA!

12th IAEC, Changwon, Korea

Namsam Tower and Coffee Prince Trip with Minhee and Jimin

Streets of Hyewa, Korea

Gyeongbokgung Palace, Korea

Fascinating local trips

The perks of working with cities of the Philippines

Java Hotel, Laoag City

La Paz, Ilocos Norte Sand dunes

Museo Ilocos Norte, Laoag City

Puerto Princesa City, Philippines

Surviving lawschool life

Not with flying colors but luckily I'm still with San Beda, hopefully up until next year and to graduate as bedan.

My 2k and 3b blockmates

Fashion Accessories business

and the highlight of this year was being able to establish our own business with Ann Perreras as our Chief Finance Officer (CFO) and Emy Ruth Gianan as our Creative Director (CD) LOL I just invented those titles but we are all the BOSS of our own fashion accessories business. Visit our facebook page Perky Burloloy.

We also happened to join two (2) bazaars organized by the Orangee Productions in Mercato Centrale and Manda Cetrale. This is really a dream come true and the only thing in my 2012 list I was able to achieve. Hahaha.

Burloloy @Mercato Centrale, BGC The Fort

Burloloy @ Manda Centrale, Greenfield District Mandaluyong City

So there! Finally I am closing the 2012 book and bidding the dragon goodbye!

Welcome 2013!