I don't know where ako natrigger, pero possible nga na I have been handling too many things at the same time, minsan nga nagugulat ako na nakakadeliver naman like my gahhhd, pero ayun may burnout point talaga. I guess can't wait for my much needed Japan vacay for my birthday. 

Part ng birthday blues is yung reflection, medyo ang babaw pero feel ko natrigger ako sa meme na sinend ng BFF ko na may jowa na ngayon. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally okay maging single, in fact, I am embracing it and contented na tayo, ready na to be that strong and financially independent woman. Anyway, mabalik tayo sa meme, eto yung meme:

I know, sanay naman na tayo sa mga pa-saring regarding single blessedness, pero I can't help but feel na medyo insensitive (or sensitive lang ako?). I am super happy for her because I think she found her person finally, like she truly deserved it sa mga heartache and childhood trauma din niya. 

Ok mabalik tayo, bakit medyo offended tayo sa meme na to? Well, not really offended but it made me ponder lang. For the record, I super agree that home may be a person or persons or your bond may it be family bond, friendship bond, or romantic bond. I think yung yung medyo sad part, because as we grow old, that bond either is lost, improved but you can also outgrow it if hindi mag-match sa growth mo yung person/persons mo. Medyo nateary-eyed ako sa part na yun. Like sa family bond, I have always been a provider, and we always have this simplistic view in life, kahit hindi ganun ka-financially stable we stick together, but of course you cannot be together forever because as a person you also have your own life and growing is part of that life. You cannot stay as you are because ayun nga nothing is permanent but change. So recently, nagmove out na sister ko sa house together with my pamangkin, so that 'home' has been modified already whether I like it or not. Ganun din with my brother, of course adulting na din siya, no plans pa naman of moving out but probably papunta na din doon. From time to time I'm being consulted whether it would be better is he works abroad, which I fully support for the betterment of life, kasi naman I can't always be the provider din. Kay Mommy, ayun turning 60 na din siya this year, so I think if naiisip ko to, malang siya din kaya if gusto niya gumala, sinusupport ko na lang din siya financially. Swerte lang siya because like The Script, I'm the girl who can't be moved. HAHAHAHA. Pero ayun so darating na tayo sa part na to, na paano naman pala ako? Although I know na kaya ko naman alone, pero may mga moment talaga that you want to find a home and seek shelter pag badtrip ka in life. Yes I have a lot of friends, pero ayun nga I can't dump everything to them, and sa nature din ng work may mga bagay na hindi tayo pwede idisclose but I feel I need to let it out to someone who can understand and relate somehow. Ayun lang, pero matagal naman na natin talagang theme song ang 'Nobody's Home' ni Manay Avril, feel ko din mageget-over ko din this feeling pero ayun nga I think I just need to let it out or pagod lang din ako lately, possible din because sunod sunod din kasi news about my college friends dying suddenly kaya sensitive lang din tayo to examine what we are doing in life so far. 

Pero ayun upon examination, talagang napanindigan ko din naman yung mantra ko na 'there's no harm in trying', and I think grabe din naman yung growth ko over the past years feel ko nga relate na relate ako sa song ng One Republic na "I lived" cause "I, I did it all, I own every second that this world could give, I saw so many places the things that I did and with every broken bone, I swear I lived." Siguro nandun na tayo sa ano ang next step natin? So dahil best in quote tayo ng lyrics ng kanta, need natin pag-isipan ang next step na, 'if you have nothing to die for, what are you even alive for?"  Is it enough just to live? CHAR.