Something stirs inside me, an unexplained feeling, is it sadness? Anxiety? Emptiness? It's not yet ripe for sorting and I am letting myself feel it. I believe ito's important to allow myself to freeze in a while when everything seems unclear.

The wandering

The urgent feeling to escape is blurring my logical reasoning. The closer I look within myself, the more feeling of retaliation I get. It's as if I am resisting my own existence, my whole being. Being lost is common to me but being lost with a feeling of defeat is a new sensation I hope not to feel. The sudden lost of direction, the purpose, the corrupt society, the feeling of hopelessness to the situation in my outside world is really affecting my existence. I am trying to shake it off and go on, but I can't stand seeing injustice being done, the unfairness and the bitter reality slapping me. I become a bitter machine, a barrel full of poisonous substance. The more I engage, the more I become dangerous inside, ready to snap, ready to go for a kill. 

Why? It's always why for me, why others turn a blind eye, is it the way this society should be lived of just to survive? The more bigger question for me is why am I being affected with all the things that's happening. Why? because lives are wasted, lives are at stake, and others are fine with this. Worst, while everybody is shouting that they really care, I am not feeling it, because for me, this world is becoming a superficial world full of dolls. They only look at themselves and not for the other people, its always a fake concerned and a fake smiles, a fake statements and a fake love. Nobody really cares! I developed a feeling of mistrust to all the good things because of the reality that is continuously and disturbingly slapping me. Is this really the society I lived in? At the end of the day, I am coming into conclusion that this world is really lived to be about I? It's the I-Society with phony compassion and wicked intentions. Agh! Enough of this wandering for now, I am afraid that if I see things clearer, I will not be able to swallow it and be choked to death and be doomed forever.